Fun Stuff

RING THE BELL

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again so she put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED. MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day her doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay she saw a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs!

The old woman said, “You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!”

ONE FOR THE BIKER KIDS

Q: What kind of bee makes milk?
A: A boobie!

I GAVE MY FRIEND ONE

PICK SIX

I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the express check out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you like to buy?"

NO WAIT

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, an elderly couple was told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.

If you thought the jokes about farmers having intimate relations with their livestock were just jokes, you’re right. It’s the cops chasing after the critters…at least in New Jersey.

Additional charges have been filed against former Moorestown, NJ, police officer Robert Melia after allegations surfaced last month that he performed several sexual acts with livestock, specifically cows.

THE REASON

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

THE ZIPPER

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,
"Your fly is open."
He zipped up, and finished his shopping.

We couldn’t make the stuff up if we wanted to. We don’t know how true this story is (what, with photoshop & all that), but it’s funnier than hell, and somehow appropriate. We don’t even know how it got to us, but we just had to share…

The Kern County, California, Sheriff's Department orders plain white patrol units and has the graphics applied locally. In this case, what they ordered was not quite what they got.

QUESTION OF THE MONTH

What's long and hard on a biker?
Winter...Silly!

ED ZACHARY DISEASE

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of her doctor.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang

Jessie Vigil's black-and-white car sports a red-and-blue emergency bar across the top and the word "police" painted on the doors. Vigil, however, isn't a cop. Law enforcement agencies say what he's done with his car isn't illegal as long as he doesn't act like a police officer.

Vigil, of Las Vegas, New Mexico, started decorating his 2007 Ford Mustang last summer to look like the police cruiser in the "Transformers" movie because his 7-year-old son, Thomas, was fond of the film.

HAPPY EASTER!

(we don't know where this came from, but it's funnier than hell, and gives us an idea about Easter this year...)

A Connecticut man has been rejected in his bid to become a police officer for scoring too high on an intelligence test.

Robert Jordan, a 49-year-old college graduate, took an exam to join the New London police, in Connecticut, in 1996 and scored 33 points, the equivalent of an IQ of 125.
But New London police interviewed only candidates who scored 20 to 27, on the theory that those who scored too high could get bored with police work and leave soon after undergoing costly training.

Jordan launched a federal lawsuit against the city, but lost.